Narcissistic Personality - What is NPD?

What is NPD?

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"NPD" stands for "narcissistic personality disorder." It is not mere "narcissism" in the usual sense of the word. To distinguish it from that, the term "malignant narcissism" has been coined for NPD.

Narcissism is usually defined as self-love. Usually the term bears the negative connotation of excessive self-love (whatever that is), due to inflated self-esteem. This can happen when fame or fortune goes to person's head. The result is self-infatuation rather than a healthy self-love — something more akin to self-worship, a sense of entitlement, an exaggerated sense of self-importance, delusions of grandeur.

Yet even this "excessive" narcissism, as unlikable and inconsiderate as it may be, isn't what we're talking about here. It isn't malignant. It isn't a personality disorder. It isn't even a character disorder. It's just a personality trait.

Malignant narcissism is perverted self-love. A malignant narcissist doesn't just exalt himself: he tears down others as a way to seem to exalt himself.

Tearing down others harms them, either materially or morally or both ways.

Since tearing down others harms them — and for no natural or even real motive (i.e., self-defense, retaliation, or competition for the last loaf of bread on earth) — this desire to bring others low is a desire to harm them. That is NOT goodwill; it is ill will, malevolence = pure, unadulterated malice.

Sorry, there's just no getting around that fact.

Therefore, the flip-side of the malignant narcissist's malignant self-love is malice toward others, a desire to malign them, humiliate them, bring them low, degrade them. Therein lies the malignance. At its core is pathological envy.

NPD is legally classified as a character disorder, and many authorities agree — disputing its classification as a personality disorder. But the (American) Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV-TR, a handbook mental health professionals use to diagnose mental disorders) lists it as a personality disorder.

The difference between a narcissistic personality and a narcissistically disordered personality may not be evident to the casual observer, but a chasm lies between narcissism and malignant narcissism, because the difference is the difference between good will and ill will.

The superficial similarity is due to malignant narcissism being a psychological complex. Complex comes from the Latin word that means "folded back upon itself" or "played backwards." Like an inferiority complex, which is an ingrained sense of inferiority "played backwards" to come off as a superiority act. The superiority act is just "playing Pretend." It's put on to compensate for the sense of inferiority, to remain in denial of it.

Malignant narcissists have an inferiority complex. So, their narcissism is a compensatory egomania. It is caused by shame and is low esteem in disguise. Quite the opposite of someone who just has a big head.

Is a narcissist aware of his true feelings about himself? That's a moot point. The mind can repress knowledge and feelings to the subconscious level. But those subconscious thoughts and feelings drive behavior nonetheless. What's more, the experiences of daily life constantly call them to consciousness on us by "reminding" us of them.

So, when a person wants to remain in denial about something, he or she must (a) act out a contrary fantasy and (b) keep distracted with trivia that couldn't possibly remind them of what they wish to unknow. The more forcefully they act out their contrary fantasy (the more ridiculously it flies in the face of reality), the harder they're trying to keep the repressed truth buried in the subconscious by these exertions.

So, is a narcissist aware of his true feelings about himself? At some unwanted moments of self-awareness yes, but most of the time no. Nonetheless, at all times, those true feelings about himself are what's driving his behavior. And that superficial act he hides them behind is just that — nothing but an act, a hollow act.

That underlying shame and self-loathing is what makes a malignant narcissist malignant. His or her pathological envy is born of shame, shame narcissists scrape off themselves and smear on others.

In other words, narcissists try to transfer the pain of their shame to you. As though they can rub it off on you. And, again, the desire to shame/humiliate others is malevolence.

No amount of intellectualizing to fog that truth in fuzzy abstractions changes that fact.

Therefore, whereas narcissistic-but-normal people have big heads, malignant narcissists actually think little of themselves. They have no self-confidence. They don't think they can win fair and square. They don't think they can achieve anything or live up to moral standards. They have no self-respect, despite their elaborate play-acting to the contrary. In fact, the thicker they put it on, the less they think of themselves.

Consider the consequences of these attitudes.

The malignant narcissist has indelibly stamped into his brain the impression that he is somehow defective, a reject, a kind of Quasimodo. So, throughout his life he finds himself surrounded in a world of people who aren't.

Since narcissists don't think they can measure-up the legitimate way — through effort and excellence — they must cheat. That is, to be greater than others, they don't strive to be: they just tear their betters down.

Their lack of self-respect is even more damning. Because of it, nothing is beneath them. No lie is too mean to tell. No trick is too lowdown, dirty, and rotten to play. Things you or I couldn't stoop to, because sinking to that level would make us feel as though we are wallowing naked on our bellies in sewage, narcissists glory in like mud-wallowing hogs. Ironic, isn't it? that such deep, unbearable shame makes one shameless? But it does.

So, your malignant narcissist has the mentality of a rapist. Quasimodo fixes his world (one in which everyone else puts him to shame) by tearing them down off their pedestals . . . to make them less than him. The bizarre preferred choice of victim highlights the motive. The quickest way to draw the evil eye of a narcissist is to shine in any way. He will hate you for that like a rapist hates a twelve-year-old girl for being pure. Like a pedophile hates a child for being innocent. I knew of a narcissist ordered to remain flat on his back before surgery for an aneurysm: he gave nothing but bloodcurdling looks of hatred to everyone who came to see him, simply for being well and able to stand on their feet!

This is why every malignant narcissist has two middle names: one is "Abuser" and the other is "Slanderer."

A mere (non-malignant) narcissist isn't like that. He is just someone with a big head. Fame and fortune have probably gone to his head. So, he may be arrogant and haughty, but he doesn't go around tearing people down off pedestals by slandering and calumniating others to make himself look better than them. Or by raping them for being purer than him. A mere narcissist may be obnoxious and disappointing, but he is not a predator hostile to the happiness, well being, and success of others. Hurting people doesn't make him feel good. He has human feelings and can form human relationships. He loves his own children at least and wouldn't dream of hurting them. A malignant narcissist is far different.

So, don't confuse NPD (malignant narcissism) with what people usually mean when they say someone is "narcissistic." Despite the superficial similarities, there's a world of difference! One is benign; the other is malignant.

© 2004 � 2008, Kathleen Krajco � all rights reserved worldwide.
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It was last updated on 3/7/2008.
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