Narcissistic Personality - The Narcissist's Strategy

The Narcissist's Strategy

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Read 9 of the 13 parts of the chapter entitled
"The Narcissist's Strategy."

Remember that a narcissist's goal is attention. His or her whole life is a game of monopoly for it all. Keep in mind that attention comes in many forms, including regard, love, and respect.

The grandiosity is an excuse to justify hogging it all.

The abuse denies it, bringing the victim low, either by slander or treating them like dirt.

The lack of empathy is partly play-acting grandiosity by viewing the deprived victim as a bug and partly to un-conscience the cruelty of narcissistic abuse.

So, at bottom, it's all about attention.

Though a narcissist may be overtly exhibitionistic at times, NPD is different from other attention-getting disorders. A narcissist's attention getting is covert most of the time. There are two reasons for this.

She can't abuse just anyone without risk of payback. So, (normally) she needs to project an image that reflects well on her. People respond negatively to any but subtle exhibitionism that somehow stays beneath their radar. So, exhibitionism rarely gets a narcissist the reflection she wants to see in people's faces.

Needing to be the center of attention is a childhood trait. Being childish is not grandiose, so the narcissist must get attention without seeming to seek or want it.

Besides, a god isn't exhibitionistic. God is self-sufficient, needing nothing from anyone. God never cries out for attention. Instead, she is subtle: she needs to project an image of herself as so special that others owe her all their attention without her having to ask for it. Or appreciate it (which would be paying some attention back). In other words, she acts like a queen, who is above noticing all the attention she gets from everyone around her but regards her dignity as slighted by anything less than all of it.

This absurdly haughty attitude is born of another thing that distinguishes narcissistic attention-getting from other personality disorders. Narcissists are infinitely stingy with their own attention and infinitely covetous of everybody else's. In fact, their most characteristic behaviors are behaviors that deny attention to anyone but themselves.

She cannot stand to see anyone else get any. That's stealing from her. She is just like a spoiled brat who won't share her toys.

So, whenever possible, she deprives others of all forms of attention. That is, she contrives to make sure others get no regard, affection, appreciation, consideration, respect, and so forth. She must get it all.

© 2004 – 2008, Kathleen Krajco — all rights reserved worldwide.
The URL of this page is: http://www.narcissism.operationdoubles.com/strategy_of_narcissism.htm.
It was last updated on 3/7/2008.
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